‘Yes or No’: A Confused Concept Of Love Marriages In Pakistan
A recipe for successful marriage varies with perceptual guidance, especially in Pakistan’s context and that turns out to be perplexing at times. Some call ‘mental compatibility’ a core factor for couple’s happy-life while others view family consent as utmost key to happiness… who’s right?
Though it’s a general perception in our society that actual love begins with a partner after you get hitched. If a girl is to marry her ‘paramour,’ she’s considered to be someone who is just ‘out there.’ Someone, a girl in particular, who socializes with men, should be prepared to have questions raised about her character and moral boundaries.
Men, who don’t traditionally face opposition while pushing social boundaries, must have had flings and surely would have been with women, would want to marry a girl who is compatible to them. But they end up succumbing to family pressure and there begins a life under title ‘happy arranged marriage.’
The reason why parents would discourage their sons to choose a girl is that they at times are paranoid of an open minded girl who may not be keen to keep herself engaged with domestic chores.
A girl who is not career-oriented and would rather be a stay at home wife – raising her children. Such girls are considered the perfect daughter-in-law, from a lens of Sasu Maa.
Another reason for such taboo is the fear of being killed in the name of honor, every other day a news would flash on – that a mother, father, or brother (as happened in Qandeel Baloch’s case) murdered a women to save the families honor. Such cases are rife in rural areas where less education and glass ceiling of women is a tradition and those who attempt to break it face violent resistance.
Love marriages from a cynic eye
Recently the case of a woman who was killed following her conversion to the Shia sect, (the sect of her husband) – before their wedding, irked her parents. She was called to Pakistan and was murdered. No words can justify this brutal treatment, no women is worthy of being killed in the name of honor.
Our society never fails to astound me, NEVER! Queries like “is financially sound? Is he stable? … Similar inquires from ‘larkay walas’ saying “She will never fit in our family… she is too advanced!” are very common in our culture.
There’s no way you’ll marry a Shia/Sunni. Financial background, cast and creed seem more important to families when coming to a decision about their children’s marriage and how they won’t accept the partner their child has fallen in love with. They must give up their entire relationship, and suppress the feelings they have for each other, solely because their families are discriminative? They both are the ones who have to spend the life with each other, not with their families.
Even though Islam gives complete freedom to decide your own partner, our society stands tall in being the hinder to their decision, sometimes in the name of honor, at times in the name of finding the ideal and conservative, desi bahu and every so often for a reason of strong financial background.