Sons for sale!
We live in a society where most of us feel tired, agitated, and angry all the time unhappy and complaining how bad things are in life, job, relationships, family, children.
Did we ever think why we feel this way, what role did we play to be like this? Isn’t everything we have including our families and children a blessing.
As a parent, did we teach our children how to be happy, confident, self-sufficient, as well as the importance of a strong loving relationships.
Building a good happy family takes good upbringing, but how can we have a good upbringing when the foundation of the relationship is not strong and rather built on materialism rather than emotions.
When a boy’s mother goes looking for a potential bride, she, instead of looking at what type of companion the girl would be to her son, she is more interested in how pretty the girl is and would she get endless appreciation from friends and relatives.
This is in addition to the expectation regarding family’s wealth, position in the society, and contacts with people in high places.
It will therefore be unrealistic to expect that the bond of this marriage will be strong and that the bride will be dutiful wife bringing love to the family and willing to sacrifice her individuality for the sake of marriage.
There is no denying that we live in a very complex society where multiple pressures are constantly blurring the lines between right and wrong.
Things that were being thought of as right are no longer there while ridiculous expectations like expecting a big dowry are slowly becoming acceptable.
For certain classes in the society it is seen as a right of the groom and hence may be as simple as handing over the list to the bride’s family and feeling proud of it.
However, the story is a bit different when it comes to families for the upper middle class, they usually face the dilemma of keeping face in the society by pretending that they don’t want anything but the girl, however at the same time have an unspoken expectation that there will be huge financial gains linked to this new relationship.
The expectations can unfortunately be endless staring from a sack load of jewelry, car and ending in a new house gifted by the father to her loving daughter.
Most people believe that it is acceptable to give and accept dowry in this day and age as this is our tradition and an essential part of our culture which has been practiced for generations hence making it alright.
The girl’s parents believe that giving a lavish dowry would get their daughter respect in the new household and increase her chances of having a happy married life, whereas the groom’s family see it as their right and will improve their status in the society.
Ironically, both sides are fueling this age-old tradition in the name of family honor, respect treating this as a key to a successful marriage.
There is an old saying that ‘money can’t buy you love or happiness’ which in a sense hold true particularly in relation to marriage.
The society seems to have forgotten the core aim of marriage which in simplistic terms is about building a happy life for you, your spouse and your children where they can flourish, grow and develop as a healthy individual with strong moral values.
The reality however couldn’t be more further away from the truth, starting a relationship with so many ifs, buts or maybe and with focus on materialistic and shallow expectations cannot guarantee a fair start in married life.
Novelty of a beautiful bride and dowry will fade away, making the relationship over time complicated and full of grief and regret due to daily bickering over trivial issues, having a devastating impact on children robbing them of the opportunity of having a happy upbringing and growing into emotionally strong and successful individuals.
The concept of dowries that was once meant to help women achieve a degree of independence in marriage and as a small cushion of support to the couple embarking on a journey of married life seems to have be totally lost in translation.
In the present day and age, the concept of dowry has morphed into something that is beyond recognition, it appears to be mandatory for the bride’s parents to cough up a large dowry if they want their daughter to get married.
The society has unfortunately conditioned us so much that even girls are now pressurizing their parents for a luxurious wedding and a dowry to maintain their reputation in the society.
The big question remains, who is to blame? When was the last time we as young parents thought about what kind of message we are giving to our young boys?
Are we teaching them that it is alright to find short cuts in life and to get rich quick, forcing them to learn how to manipulate others and take advantage of their weaknesses for personal gains.
Whereas we should be teaching them that there is no such thing as instant success, instant love, instant happiness or instant wealth in life and it will outright ridiculous to expect marriage as a means of acquiring quick wealth. It is equally important to teach them that they will be totally unrealistic in expecting respect and love from a girl whose family paid a huge amount of money as dowry and literally bought you out.
There is no denying that marriage itself has its own challenges, it is not a smooth ride and does
ends up testing both partners from time to time.
No parent can predict that their children will have a happy married life, however what they can do is provide them with strong morals, personal values, trust in their own abilities and confidence thus giving them the tools to be successful in life and in relationships and not look for shortcuts particularly when it comes to choosing a partner for marriage.