Learning is a lifelong activity, they say you learn something new every day. Even the wisest mind has something yet to learn and life never stops teaching. They say you learn through experience but they don’t let me experience. They say you learn from others mistake, but they don’t want that mistake to be mine. They say you learn, you grow, but they don’t let me grow beyond their restricted capacity. Little did I know that learning doesn’t confine to others’ experiences, knowledge, world affairs, but also to characterize, wishes, goals and dreams! They say they want me to go places and pray that all my dreams come true. Little did I know, that I have to dream about a perfect husband with a big house and a car. Never knew dreams and wishes are also to be learned from society. I thought that comes naturally!
Never knew that people who give their blessings assumed that my wish would coincide with them. Never knew that my degree was supposed to be a cosmetic brand that qualifies me for a competent man. Never knew working women are inferior to those sitting in the house. Never knew that kitty parties are more acceptable than working for an MNC. Being in existence for more than two decades, when now I open my eyes analyzing what the society has become, makes me feel like an alien. People say you’re different, you are stupid, and you are childish. Once you grow older you’ll realize that marriage is in your best interest. Society never pardons a single woman. You will not achieve anything by making a successful career. Happiness lies in having a family. We have been there, done that. Look at her, she made a career and now she is a director of XYZ Company but she never got married. Look how sad she is, all alone in this world.
Only if they tell me how they gauge her sadness I could dig down the reason for it. Very confidently I have seen people labeling girls as “Bechari” when they are single. I am not against marriages and I would want a happy married life. But who said marriage is a trade-off between dreams and family. Who said girls who are not married or divorced are deemed to be sad in life. How miserable it sounds when a single woman is seen as a lesson to be taken and not an inspiration to be cherished. How awful it is to blame their success as an impediment for happiness. All I know that happiness is a feeling that one experiences, it is reflected in their smile and comes from contentment in their heart. How a man on this earth confidently declares a woman unhappy when happiness cannot be measured in the first place. The sad part is knowing that this happens around you just cannot stand up against them, tell them that they should mind their own business when they don’t know what it takes to get a degree, when they don’t know that professional life is not“happening” like their parties, when they don’t know making career is a serious business. That it takes years of dedication to get to a certain level, when they don’t know the happiness of success in your field of choosing, they basically don’t know that every person is different and may want something different from life. Marriage is not the sole purpose of existence and when they don’t know, they just don’t have to say it.
I wish I could make people realize that trade-off is not the solution, you don’t have to pretend that you are not career-oriented just to get along with someone. How can you bet on a man who doesn’t want you to fulfill your wish? A marriage is a bond of two individual people, who must have their own thoughts, perspectives and dreams. Not a contract between a king and a slave where king never thinks about the slave because the slave never thought he stands a chance. This New Year just promise your heart that you’ll not let it down and believe that dreams come true every day, because they do.