I am 30 and single. In about 5 years or so I will be declared a spinster.
People can’t breathe.
Relatives can’t sleep.
Aunties are running out of gossips.
Friends are running short on topics.
That’s the extent of harm my single status is causing to humanity.
In our society, whether you are single by choice or you (or your parents) couldn’t find an appropriate proposal or there is any other reason to it, you merit pity.
It pains me to see my parents suffer taunts of people because I am still unmarried. As if my marital status of being single has given them a license to hurt my parents and make them feel down. I have great parents; supportive, caring and liberal and to see such parents suffer pain at the hands of insensitive, sadist, ignoramus and apathetic people rips my heart.
Whether it’s a formal ceremony or a casual get together, people would deliberately put them through agony by questioning about the prospects of my marriage reminding them how quickly I am losing all the chances as I am fast aging.
These people are the face of what we call a ‘societal pressure’ creating immeasurable dilemmas affecting the philosophy of marriage and causing countless psychological scars to parents of unmarried children including both male and female.
In this world, it’s difficult to be a person with ideals and a belief system. Because it comes at a cost. You are sure landing in hell if you choose not to accept an orthodox life or if your life doesn’t conform to prevalent norms.
The idea of being single still remains an alien concept in our society. Wherever you go, your single status will elicit pitiful stares and feel-sorry-for-you behaviour making it difficult for you to breathe among people whose vision of life doesn’t go beyond than people getting married and having babies so they can gossip all day.
So what we all should do? Should we give in to these people? No. Then, let’s take few things into perspective while we fight this predicament:
1. Never marry someone unless you think the person deserves you or he/she is the one you want to spend your life with. Marriage is much more than landing in someone’s arms just because people around you feel restless to see you single. Marriage is a beautiful relation. Let’s not build it on shallow foundations.
2. Marriage is not a badge of honour or achievement. It is a social contract between two people who want to live together. Nothing more. So, don’t disrespect your body and emotions to get a marriage certificate for the sake of evading people and their queries and not tying the knot for your own happiness.
3. To women: you are a complete human being in yourself. Anyone who thinks that you are incomplete without a man or your survival and purpose of existence is tied to men should be pitied. This mindset is their problem, not yours.
4. Never surrender to these noxious people or succumb to their opinions. You owe them nothing. You aren’t born to satiate their hunger for gossip. Because at the end of the day, these people weigh nothing. What matters is your life; your happiness, your ideals and you. Life is too short to waste on toxic people.
5. This is a rotten world full of cruel people so don’t expect any sympathy. If you don’t want to be hurt, you must stop hurting yourself first. If you don’t want to be pitied, don’t pity yourself. These predators will feed themselves on your apologetic attitude towards yourself. Never apologize to anyone for how you choose to live your life. So, when next time they come to prey you,give them a shut up call.
While there is little that we can do to fast eliminate the societal pressure attached to marriage, we must do what we can to dissuade people from taking charge of others’ lives. To put our effort intomaking people realize that everyone has a journey of their own and everyone is fighting their hidden battles. We don’t know their journey. We don’t know their problems and sorrows. Therefore, we have no right to pass judgmenton anyone’s life. If we can’t empathize with them, we should at least be a little humane and not further add to their misery.
The change in the collective mindset of society is a gradual process. It would take time for people to evolve and to get out of their shells and see that life in the 21st century is much more than producing children and furthering families. And that, by no means, discredit the importance and holiness of the institution of marriage.
We should stop painting marriage as a forceful necessityas it is becoming a burden for those who don’t feel the need of it or are deprived of it.Let’s celebrate the institution of marriage while not letting this sacred relation choke on lives of others.