Denying joys of retired life to parents
On our holiday to Oxford, I saw many European retired couples holding hands, going for a walk, doing activities that they enjoy together.
They look much happier, smiley and content. They have an year of holidays planned (lazy, sight seeing, cruise, skiing) which they can’t afford when they were young.
Whereas in our desi households I hardly see any retired couple holding hands, going for a walk, planning a holiday or want to go on a holiday.
If you see, they look worried, unhappy, agitated. They themselves or children are dragging them all the time in their daily life’s issues
- Amma, you know I am living in a hell with this man/ Woman
- Mum my wife does not care about me, I cannot focus on my career
- Dad, I need money
- You love my brother/sister more than me
- You give all the good things to your favorite child
- You both never cared about me? What did you do for me?
- You choose a wrong wife/ husband for me, I don’t want to live with him/her
- My wife is a lazy person or Your son-in-law is the worst person he never cares about me, never takes me out for dinner or a holiday
- Can you babysit the kids, so we both can work?
These are the common complaints parents hear from adult children.
This is even worse for parents especially those with some money and energy left.
Their children are sometime emotional, physically and financially outrageously and ruthlessly demanding. They need babysitting, emotional and relationship support and funding. They play the same story again and again without realizing what impact this have on their parents, how draining these conversations are and how upset they get on hearing these conversations.
We all have come across some shockingly parasite children who have become so insensitive that they don’t hesitate to chat about money in front of the parents and what they are going to get in inheritance.
When the adult child is having financial difficulty, usually they might see it as, well, it’s my father’s money, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind’, and things can develop from there.
Most of the parents knew that when they lend the money to their son/ daughter they never going to get the money back.Most of the time parents do help their adult children financially thinking what else are we to do? Helping them thinking their child pouring half of their wages into rent, paying half in bills and grocery with no saving of their own.
They always say why would we want to spend our money on holidays or for leisure, while our children are working so hard just to keep going?
That’s why it’s probably difficult for parent to get out of it. They probably can’t vocalize exactly what’s happening to them, but they know it’s not right and they’re anxious or worried or they’re not in a good place, but they don’t want to get their children into trouble.
We all know that time has changed there is a lot of competition and stress but it’s our responsibility to manage our house,kids, our finances and our life not expecting parents to do it for us.
We need to understand that our parents worked so hard, scarified a lot to raise us so we can have a better life than them.
They are not as physically, emotionally and financially strong anymore.
There is no denying that money is important part of our life now but it’s our responsibility to work and to plan on how to survive.
Our parents have worked so hard it’s their time to enjoy, relax and unwind. Parents do realize that life has become harder higher cost of living, less housing, less job security, more stress.
But this is not an excuse to financially and emotionally bully them.
We also need to understand that they are not working and need money to sustain their lifestyle, or they may have their own retirement plans. We as children should not emotionally and financial drain them rather than encourage them to relax and enjoy their retirement life.