“Parents are Irreplaceable; Respect them before time passes away.”
“Glimpses of my journey to Fatherhood…Learning from life slowly and gradually, learning and still learning”…
An Ignorant Background; Becoming Father
“Beta khana theka se khaya tha???” “Apni sehat ka khayal rakha karo”…”Beta dodh pe looo”…These were the typical sentences I grew up listening out of my mother…My reply was typically the same, “Apko itni kiu fikar lagee rehti hai??? Mai aab bara ho gaya hoon”
“Beta mai tum se jab poochoon gee jab tumhaare apne bacchay hoon ge”… This was her reply in response to my odd behavior…”huuh Dekha jaye ga” was my reply and went forward for my very important works…
“Yaar pata nahee kaise log hai, har waqt rok tok karte rehte hai…Pata nahee kab yeh satisfied hoon ge…Kab mai apni independent zindagi start karoon ga…and bla bla”…I kept on thinking like that whenever my parents stopped me from doing something OR tried to teach me lessons of life!
Allah blessed me with my first child, a baby boy lately, Alhamdulillah. While going through the maternity phase supporting my wife, I started understanding meanings of above behavior of parents. Also understood why the status of mother is much superior and why “Jannat Maa ke qadmoo tale hai”…Without going into much details, I shall assert that all the proverbs attached to greatness of parents are totally correct , mother in particular…Sooner the young lads will realize this in life…
Naming the Child
The most dramatic thing ever happened to me
“I will give a special name for my child”, I was ever thinking like that. I started searching the Islamic and Scientific guidelines for naming my child. I soon found out loads of information including numbers gaming attached with date and time of birth. I asked my wife. “The name should be very Unique, which nobody has ever heard.” She said with utter excitement.
“The name should be as simple and common as possible”, said one of my close uncles. “This plays a vital role in success of your child; it has been observed that children with most common names have greater chances of success in life”.Wooow, I never thought like that; I was deeply impressed by this point of view.
The name should be simple and common. Make a logical series/sequence of name for your children like as naming for Prophets etc. or make it somewhat like names of Allah (S.W.T.) or Prophet (S.A.W.); this was suggestion from one of very close colleague of mine.
Then we purchased one book and another; starting making shortlist of our desired names.
As the name search continued, the fake ego inside me somewhere was buttering myself “Well how much detail you are getting for child’s name, nobody would have thought such precisely” Wooow Sultan Wooow, bravo pal bravo!
An then we Chose ‘Arhum’ for the expected baby boy. That means “Karam karne waala”
When the child was born (outside Pakistan), I was all geared up for naming him Arhum. I even started telling the people about this expected name and its meaning. People were so impressed by this name, Woow my plan was working perfectly; I thought!
Suddenly a call came from my father” Beta maine bacche ka naam ahmad rakh diya hai”…something inside me broke up “Ahhh—maadd laikin abbu humne tu…asal mai…Arhum socha…. huwa tha, Ahmad tu bahut simple aur common name hai”…”O yaar tu Arhum ko chorr, bas Ahmad done hai”: replied my father…I was speechless and stunned by this sudden development: “Laiikinn Abbu who mai keh rahaa..aaa thaaa….” I was trying to respond in a sensible manner controlling my emotions … “Yaar awaaz nahee arahee hai theak se , baad mai baat kar lain ge, bas Ahmad Done hai, Allah Hafiz” so ended up the call…All of my excitement was vanished and I was standing with an empty mind…Me and wife were both feeling perturbed with this unexpected desire and were of the view ”Hamaare Parents ko aise demnds karne ka koi haqq nahee hai, hamara baccha hai tu naam bhee hum ko hee rakhna chayye”… Right now, Abbu is fully charged up, We will convince him for Arhum later on”… Both me and wife agreed…
Worthy to note here that Ahmad was the name of my father’s grandfather and apparently, he was carrying this desire for so many years; i.e. naming his first grandchild as Ahmad…
I went out of the hospital in my car for bringing something for my wife thereafter…And then, my mind was occupied with mixed thoughts…. In the wavy stream of thoughts, I saw little ME playing and demanding things from my parents and poor parents fulfilling almost everything without any complaint…I saw this great man (my father) standing beside me at each step of my life selflessly and without any complain or demand in return.
I saw him sitting beside me giving a gentle message to care my severe headaches…Things like that flashing one after the other on the screen of my mind…Every scene was depicting him giving something for me, No demands NO desires…then the last scene came before me” “Beta maine bacche ka naam Ahmad rakh diya hai”…O my Allah, how could I be so selfish standing against fulfilling Abbu’s immense desire; giving a name to his Pota…How could I????
Then suddenly Shahbaz inside me came before my laughing madly pointing finger at me” Sultan Sahib bare hee Champion bante ho, kahan ke Champion ho tum apne baap aik khwahish poori nahee karsakte???”…”Who baap, jis ne apni saari zindagi tumhaari khidmat karte huway guzaar dee” shame on you…
I saw various Spiritual and real time teachers in life standing around me; each one was saying something else but there was only one voice “Beta MAAN lene mai SUKH hai, zara MAAN kar tou dekho”
The last scene had two portions, one was my new born kid slowing glugging his hand and staring at me innocently and the other scene showing my father” Beta maine bacche ka naam ahmad rakh diya hai”… A wave of tears flew from my eyes and I stretched the accelerator towards the hospital…”Kahain mujh se dair na hojai…Run before it’s too late”….I reached the hospital…It was really difficult to convince myself and wife but Alhamdulillah we named our child Ahmad. As soon as my father knew about this, he was just shouting like young birds and telling everyone proudly…My Allah, this was the most satisfying moment of my life…”Shukar hai dair nahee huee”
All of a sudden, all good things started coming out with this name Ahmad. People started congratulating on this simple yet charismatic name of beloved Prophet. The child proudly carrying first two names of our beloved prophet (S.A.W) Muhammad Ahmad and there was no need of telling this name for the second time to anyone…everyone remembered his name after knowing and Ahmad was all over in the air……”Shukar hai dair nahee huee”
Weeping child and Caring Parents, developing an everlasting bond!
It is often said: “A Child is born on the Nature”. I am witnessing this every day. Child enjoys care of parents; likes to be closer to them, enjoys sleeping on their chest. We have few tools ready in his bag to tackle him while he starts getting out of control… Feeder nipple dipped in honey is one of them, crying child suddenly gets breaks ON when fed with honey…I just wonder where does this natural behavior of being satisfied with something minute like drops of honey goes away; as we grow up?. We are willing to get more and more and still complaining to our Allah (S.W.T.) Natural behavior changes to Na-Shukra behavior as one grows. Why???
While tackling my weeping child, this question keeps on arising “Why do infants cry too much? Why nature works like this as it could have been easier for us if weeping/crying did not exist?” Just thinking a bit on this, reply came from inside. “This is all to develop as everlasting bond between child and parents.” They are forced to take care of their child whenever the child asks for attention either by weeping or getting indulged in some sort of illness.
At the end of the day, the new human being finds itself many many companions in this world who took his/her care and as he/she grows up; it is most likely the he/she will take care the elders who were there to help him when he was helpless. What a Strange and perfect circle of life. ..Lucky are those who get more facilities then the unprivileged ones. But they have more responsibility as well towards the society. We are all running in these circles, need to realize is much more today than ever. I am saying this because the need to develop greater bonds among relationships is much more today due to the changed shape of world in which people spend more time on the social media then in the real society.
Confusions/Challenges of a Modern Day Pakistani Father
While my son grows up, every other day several questions arises in my mind while I face his innocent eye’s. Like:
· Will he be same dumb like me in understanding Arabic language, the language of Quran???
· Will he also face the same Urdu-English dilemma? Think in Urdu, study in English and ending up in a confused/non-creative individual?
· Which schooling system shall I adopt for him? People say O-level/A-levels are the best and guarantee bright future. Really???
· Will he be same Hypocrite like me??? OR I should revisit my behavior against all probable losses of standing for truth??
· While he observes us back biting our own brothers and sisters; what should we expect back from him?
· While we fail to fulfill the rights of our parents in front of him. What face will we take against him when he grows up; for our rights???
· Will he see a Jugaaru Pakistan or An Intellectual rising Pakistan?
· Will he see Jamhooriyat ka Husn OR Ideology ka Husn???
· Will he be a Neeru OR Shaheen of Iqbal. Ref: https://blogs.arynews.tv/2014-ke-neeru-2014-ki-bansuri/
· Shall I get foreign nationality for getting him greater prospects of development???
· What will he think about our generation? Proud OR shame???
My hearts starts beating fast and I want to say NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..NO MORE, I can’t not let my baby taken away by the shameful Pakistani factors…I will stride, InsAllah!
Note: Readers/writers are welcome to address queries raised above.
Conclusions and must Do’s
Amazingly, after going through all above, bad boy inside me still comes out every now and then. Still full responsibility towards parents is much far. “Be-shak insaan khasaare mai hai” I write this article with a hope that someone may learn 1-2 things out of my parenting experience and also to re-affirm my behavior with my own parents. I have seen people regretting after the passing away of their parents.
“Kash hum unse accha salook karte, kaash hum unki baat maan lete” you must also have heard these words while somebody’s mother/fathers pass away. Let’s strive not be regretful like that. It is famously said” Naik awlaad bhee sadqa-e-Jaaria hai” so we can become this Sadqa for our parents who dedicated their whole lives to make our lives peaceful. Young people have chance to learn from experiences of other people and not to wait until they themselves become parents OR when it’s too late to act…
“Thank you dear Ammi and Abbu for making my life, sorry for being negligent. May you live 100 years more! “