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5 things the nurses can do to woo the PML N government

A nurse protesting in front of the Punjab Assembly on Friday succumbed to her injuries after she was baton-charged by the police. This makes one wonder why nurses are beaten, while the terrorists are negotiated with and what can the nurses do to bring the government on negotiating table.

If nurses want their demands to be heard and accepted, they must take the following 5 steps.

Step 1. Break the boards, burn the tyres, loot the shops

This is the standard way to be heard in Pakistan. Not only no one will dare to baton charge you, you will be negotiated with. If you are lucky, some opposition parties may join you and ‘tor phor’ may result in a loss of billions of rupees to the people of Pakistan. That is when the government will really consider fulfilling your demands.

But sadly, you have decided to be peaceful.

Step 2. Kill someone

Protests are not seen as a threat unless people die. If I am wrong, tell me how many Baloch missing persons were recovered after the recent peaceful long march by Balochis?

The easy way would be to kill the policemen or trespassers. Please beware to not to kill an army personnel. That will lead to action against you.

Sadly, nurses don’t take lives, they only save them. Who cares about negotiating with life savers? We talk with the murderers.

Step 3. Stop accepting the constitution

It’s difficult to come in media’s lime light, and therefore to be respected and negotiated with, if you continue to accept the constitution. Repeated interviews to foreign and local news agencies stating that Pakistani constitution is not according to Shariat and hence not accepted are necessary. This will further help you to get support from the powerful mullah lobby in parliament, media, bureaucracy and agencies. In your case, you can specifically argue that PCS exam is not according to Shariat. If you need more arguments, Lal Masjid Khatib can be contacted for help.

Sadly, the nurses are law abiding citizens.

Step 4. Capture the hospitals

Nurses are in hundreds of thousands. They can easily capture hospitals. When girls captured Lal Masjid library, ex PM Shujaat Hussain personally went to try to negotiate with them. If you capture hospitals, you will get a higher status and ministers will die to negotiate with you and give you whatever you want. Isn’t that the dream?

Step 5. Suicide bombing

Nurses can make a fund to raise money for buying a couple of suicide bombers. They are cheap these days and easy to find. Once the nurses are found behind a couple of suicide attacks, their stature will be raise to ‘stakeholders’ and government will then come to their homes (no matter if they are as far as Waziristan) to negotiate with them.

As once a great Taliban warrior stated: “A suicide bomb a day, keeps the law enforcement agencies away”.

Try protesting peacefully in the 21st century, we still live in barbarian times.

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