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Sandwiched: Caught up between a fight

Danyal, a newlywed, 32 year old computer programmer was driving back to his house after a long and exhausting day at office. Though he was tired but still he had many plans for the evening. “I will have a romantic chit chat with Saira (his wife) over a cup of tea and delicious snacks,” he thought. “Or, perhaps we both go out for a walk in the nearby park,” he changed his mind. “We can also go for a movie,” this idea really made him excited.

He reached home, pushed rang the doorbell and his mother opened the door. He smiled and greeted her. His mother neither smiled back nor did she acknowledged his greeting. It was very unusual of his mother. He asked anxiously, “Kia hua Ammi?” (What happened, Mom)?

Nothing…!  His mother gave a short but very dry response. His mother had never behaved like that before. Danyal was confused and went to his room in disbelief.

He asked his wife, without noticing the surly expression on her face, “Do you have any idea, why Ammi’s mood is off.” “Go and ask her yourself,” she replied dryly. Now Danyal realized that there was definitely something wrong. He didn’t try to inquire further, changed his dress and went to bed for a quick nap. All of his plans for a pleasant evening had withered away.

Within the next few days, the rift between his wife and mother became quite obvious. Both had varied opinions on every issue. Both wanted things to be done in their own ways and both were extremely sensitive about their rights and domains. Her mother had a complaint that his wife was too independent in her views while his wife was of the view that his mother interfered in every matter.

He could see that at times it was his wife who showed unnecessary stubbornness and at times his mother failed to compromise. He did not want to lose both of them. He always tried to find a middle way which no lady was willing to accept. Both were sticking to their guns. His strict behavior also didn’t work. He once made it clear to his wife that she would have to obey his mother no matter what. She complied with his orders and not only stopped arguing with her but also stopped talking to him!

Whenever he tried to convince his mother that his wife was an educated person who had her own vision of life, he was labeled immediately as Zann Mureed (henpecked husband). And whenever he tried to make her wife understand about the feelings of his mother, his wife called him a coward who had no guts to live independently.

His father remained isolated from the whole situation and offered no help to resolve the issues. Perhaps, he himself had been the victim of similar circumstances. Danyal’s two sisters, who were married, regularly came to remind him that his wife was the bone of contention and he was a spineless person who had disappointed the whole family.

One day during a tea break at his office, Danyal reflected upon his life after marriage. He had literally become a punching bag for everyone. Just at the moment when he was feeling totally abandoned, a question popped up in his mind; “while a lot is penned down about the rights and vulnerabilities of women in our society, did anyone ever thought about the men who become sandwiched between the baseless and nerve cracking quarrels of women of their families.”?

In our society, thousands of men like Danyal, in an effort to address the childish quarrels of women in every relation, walk on tight ropes everyday and still are tagged as oppressors and indifferent.

Ladies, it’s something to think about…

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