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Matrimonial blues: Marriage is for men, not for boys

Most men are faced with an impasse when they step into a marital relation. The initial few months are heaven, since there is non-existence of everyday jobs and family strains. He is exclusively a hubby with his better half safeguarding and contesting for his beloved’s rights and wishes. Later, things start to worsen, when he is being inquired by his affecting mother and over-romantic wife.

“What can I do to please them both?”

Is a common query that pops up on the shell of his perception. He starts to evade and overlook the conditions that direly entail his management and wise choice. He fritters most of his time isolated in his own cave. The love is now out of the window.

Man plays a vast role, when we talk as regards to relations. He can make it flourish or he can cause it to wither. Whether he likes it or not, he has to cooperate sensibly as he is the one about whom all affairs revolve. It is natural for a mother to feel timid and envious when her son’s attention, love, care, and time is divided. She cannot stand the move and thus, anger follows towards the new addition. In this condition, the man has to be careful of the mother’s feelings and undertake accordingly by giving her time and continuous reassurance about the status she still holds in his life. On the other hand, the wife who is newlywed to him desires for his attention and time, love and care. He should learn to treat the two entities carefully and not to make any one of them feel insufferable and ignored. Whether he likes it or not, but he has to play sensibly as he is the one about whom all matters rotate.

Listing down some frequent tips to consider before a man retorts.

Firstly, a woman who is now your wife is not a stranger. She is a part of you and your life. She is not a third personality; make sure that she does not feel suffocated in your marriage. When you want her not to badmouth you or your family, then the same should also be done from your side. Do not unnecessarily criticise her or her family in front of her.

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Being a man, you are held accountable to earn the bread and butter for the family. You are made the chief of the family. Functioning outside by contracting with people, and existing peak rush hours of traffic, standing losses, or not achieving the target which may make you susceptible and saddened. As you expect your home and your spouse to be satisfying, the similar is anticipated from you. Emptying down your aggravation and tiredness on your spouse and kids is not at all acceptable.  How can we forget the example of our beloved Prophet (S.A.W.W) who used to be cooperative and adorable towards his wives?

A man should nor behave badly with his mother nor speak to her in a strident tone, especially when the wife or the kids are around. A mother who has trained you how to speak is not at all responsible for your fetid language and raised tone. Treat her in a highly regarded way, even if you do not consent to her terms and provisions. She may feel disgraced in front of others and this will give birth to a rancor in her heart next to your spouse.  Allegations are a result of these murmurs of Satan mostly. Do not turn a deaf ear to your wife’s nitpicking by thinking her culpable every time, and condemning her for things she did not do.

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Every individual has his/her own right and worth. If anybody is given unjustified significance over the worth of another, it will create disorder. Limit other’s nosiness and sway over your judgments especially leading your own family. It is all about upholding a balance. You require to decide it yourself by a truthful perception about your acts.  We all make blunders and we all have some shortcomings. Where a female is engaged, you have to contract with it like a delicate thing with lots of sentiments, admiration, gratitude, and honor. Steadiness is mandatory when dealing with females, you are not vital to do big snooty things, but little minute things on a daily basis will do speculates. Calling her or texting her once in a day will make her more than pleased. It is not essential to buy luxurious gifts every time, a surprise note or a flower will surely bring in grade points.

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Beg to Allah (S.W) for being perfect in your decisions and to be fair in dealings. Pray for harmony and love amongst the family members and a heart that is set to pardon and not remember. Lodging on past issues will not achieve any good outcome. So stop being decisive and ironic.

In a nutshell, matrimony is for man and not for boys. If you are not prepared to bear the liability and to run all affairs with solid guts, then please don’t tie the knot so soon.

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