Become a phoenix
Have you ever just muffled your train of thoughts or tried shushing one specific thought, unwillingly, dumping it aside instead just ‘cause the situation demanded or someone significant was on the verge of getting emotionally troubled by that.
Been there, done that I presume.
You know what was really happening then inside your beautiful mind?
Those thoughts were just overtures being instigated by the full-grown anticipation or preset expectations you developed for that very incident happening at that very moment in your life. Let’s understand it better.
Human behavior works on stimuli while human mind seeks to sort, align, organize everything; finding harmony in the chaos, categorizing, listing, shelfing thoughts, learnings, goals, incidents, and sometimes, people too with respect to the levels of intimacy shared with them or the depth of connection they hold with you.
With this latent urge to organize everything, we start setting a timeline for our lives too and try to control its execution in real life.
We want everything to happen at the desired set timeline, sometimes dictated by the society (external stimuli), and sometimes dictated by our own passion (internal stimuli).
That is where, my love, the problem hits us hard.
Yes, you guessed it right.
Human mind doesn’t work well with control unless it has some logic behind it (whether concocted or factual) which can then help stack the said situation, thought in a certain archive inside your brain, allowing them to convert into productive course of actions when needed. Same goes for instincts, the more you repress, the stronger they burst open.
Hence, with emotional intelligence, your mind can learn to comprehend and categorize your emotions, thereby channeling them better.
To put it simply, thoughts are shelved, and emotions are channeled to keep the flow of our lives, without disrupting the pace of normalcy or the course of nature.
If this is how a human brain works then what’s the issue here in the first place? Where does the depression come from? Or how do we get hit by despair so hard that we end up losing meaning in anything and everything altogether?
Let me help you understand this better.
This happens only when the reality doesn’t align with our anticipations, the expectations get hurt, the impressions die down, the eccentricities are taunted at, or when a trauma hits, a blow of negative energy hammering the insides of our mind and deteriorating the system it had created so well for so long. What to do then?
We have a set of solutions too, my friends. Human mind is the most magically advanced machine built by nature, it can actually create its own Superego, a more refined version of your own conscious self, which can guide you how to train and tame your own mind as a third person. Yes, you can take charge of your own thought-shelfing and emotion-channeling, not letting trauma or negative energy mess up with your mental peace or get stuck in the flux of the universe but to keep moving with it.
By adopting the following handy daily practices which I have learned over the course of my life, in rather a harder way.
These are started voluntarily and soon they become involuntary actions taken by your mind automatically when a similar situation arises or a trigger is received:
- Bid a Proper Farewell
The concept of giving or holding a farewell applies here.
Yes, you bid farewell to your said memory/moment/human/incident for good. If it is a recurrent thought, you need to give it a proper focused reflection once at least.As this becomes a regular practice, you will be able to revisit your archives too, without hurting yourself again, only if you wish to.
Sit down in a comfy alone space. Play some Best of Crywolf from 2017 in the background (music of your choice of course). Now talk to yourself.
Hold a heated dialogue: he left you because he found someone better, he was a coward who could never appreciate the grand soul you are, or you didn’t qualify in the interview because you didn’t prepare for it better or that wasn’t your passion in the first place, or you drunk texted your ex, big deal?! Forgive yourself asap.
Think on that from every aspect, and attach a reason to each argument, seal it with that concocted but calming fact that helps you archive it mentally once and for all. It does work, but comes with practice. And the pre-requisite is, you yourself are willing to do this for your own sake. You deserve a closure too, my dear. Try once.
- Bookmark your Thoughts
This one is fun to learn. You know your five senses? We all do. Touch, sight, smell, taste and hearing. Did you ever think you could actually bookmark your thoughts/train of thoughts with these? This way you would be able to control the recurrence of the thoughts or the emotions associated with them for as long as you seek to. Again some conscious brain activity is needed here for starters.
For example, the perfume your romantic partner wears daily. Record this smell inside your brain. Associate this with the feeling he arises in you. Could be of affection, comfort, happiness or discomfort, disgust, disregard, whatsoever that may be.
Soon you would start associating this smell with the thought of your romantic partner. Now whenever you smell this fragrance somewhere again, this would remind you of him and with that those feelings come rushing in. That’s the trigger or the stimulus for your brain, and you can control encountering it now.
Similarly, a song that you both used to listen to together, a restaurant you would visit together, the wet sand you walked on with your siblings once at the beach, that touch, that sound, that cuisine, all these could be turned into triggers and those triggers could be faced or avoided as you wish to
- Accept It
Stop arguing for the sake of it with your mind on all the Whys and Why-nots. Accept it. That’s all it takes for something to stop hurting you. You just accept it, get up and get going with your life. We are way stronger than we think we are.
There are phoenixes living inside each of us, waiting to be unleashed.
That’s our default setting, we can literally decide our own mental demise ourselves by choosing what can and cannot affect us or to what extent. You decide you have to live every moment that is given to you, as this is what you owe to your soul.
This thought will help you Let Go of what’s not serving you, growing you or making you happy. This will help you cherish the Now. Cherish what you have than what you don’t. And this all starts with one conscious thought of acceptance. Accept the mistake, take the blame, and just move to the next moment.
- Travel, Music, Love
No. None of this requires a lot of money in the bank account, unless you aim for a world tour just ‘cause all your friends have or ‘cause everyone does. Travel to a place at least 500 to 1000 KMs away from your abode/dwelling/house/gher.
Take a backpack and travel by bus. Meet people on your way, walk, stroll, jog, inhale the air in, make conscious use of your sensory perception and create memories in those moments.
All you need is a change of air, people and place for a few days to change your perspective on life all together, every now and then, and traveling gives you all that.
Add spice, add music to all this. And remove all the self-created barriers inside of you against love. Fall in love, again, fall better.
To put it precisely, tame your mind before it tames you. We are stronger than our emotions and our thoughts, all we need is some conscious handling. And don’t forget to cherish moments, a moment can become a lifetime if lived in full.